The Ravens Eradicated the City of Cleveland Last Night

Somebody better call the cops because John Harbaugh’s Ravens, led by strong safety Will Hill, absolutely killed the entire city of Cleveland in cold blood last night.

If it wasn’t for the Buckeyes’ thrashing of the Michigan Wolverines the whole state of Ohio would be a war zone. I’m talking people rioting in the streets, buildings and people burning to no end, and the whole state under Marshall Law.

Cleveland immediately following the atrocity. 

With three seconds left in the fourth quarter and the score knotted at 27 apiece, Browns’ kicker Travis Coons stepped up to take a 51-yard game winning field goal. Instead what happened was one of the single most soul crushing events to ever happen to Cleveland since “The Decision”.

The play began with defensive end Brent Urban getting his right hand on the kick sending it spiraling back to the turf before Hill scooped it up and ran an improbable 64 yards to the house for the game winning score.

I don’t know how you come back from this if you’re the city of Cleveland. You lost the NBA Finals, your supposed starting quarterback is now a 3rd stringer, the Indians are the Indians, and now this? It’s just not fair.


My question now is if you live in Cleveland, you basically have to move now right? There’s no way you can stay in that city after what happened last night, you got to go move to a place that won’t rip out your heart and do the Mexican hat dance on it. Some place even marginally better, like Minneapolis or Topeka right?

If anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of the men who single handedly brought down a whole city, please call the Cleveland police at (216) 623-5200, if they even exist anymore. 

P.S: No one is more pissed than this guy right? Seeing your team lose then shredding your jersey in a moment you’ll surely regret two minutes later. Rough night.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s